No, I haven't become an agnostic! But I am compelled to write a brief note here concerning something that at one time in my life was absolutely earthshaking, & I'm not even sure that fully explains the importance it carried in my mind at that time. It was literally a matter of life & death to me. The issue I refer to is knowing the exact time that I was born again. There was a time in my young Christian life in which I had heard that unless a person knows the exact time he or she was saved, that it is very likely the person is not saved! For whatever reason, I uncritically accepted it at that time as truth & feverishly tried to delve into my past (what a waste of time!) to figure out the exact moment so I could have assurance! Talk about a total waste of time & energy, but I spent years, yes I said years, trying to do just that. It literally spent much of my spiritual as well as physical energy. Then, I heard of some very well-known Christians say that they could not point to an exact time, & for a brief moment I experienced a euphoric relief! But, whether it was ingrained habit, or just my rabid introspective nature, I went back to hunting down that elusive exact moment! Then not too long ago, I ran across the teaching ministry of a dear brother who is with the Lord now. His name is Chester, or as he was known, Chet, McCalley. Great Bible expositor. He founded & pastored a Bible Church in Kansas City for nearly or maybe it was over 40 years before his Homegoing. There is a great web site for his teachings in audio format, http://www.wordoftruth.net/. He made a statement that really hit home for me. In a lesson on some Bible truth, I forget what it was now, he made the off-hand statement that he had absolutely no idea when he was born again, & then he made an even more startling statement! He said he was very thankful that he did not know! I thought, "I sure would like to know why you are glad!" Then he told us! I hope any of you fellow strugglers who may be dealing with this will hear what he said next. His reasoning was that he thought if he did have an idea, he would make a "shrine" out of that time, & never move on with the Lord. That is not his exact words, but it is the jist of what he said. It reminds me of the bronze snake Moses had put on the pole for the bitten Israelites to look at in faith & be healed back in Numbers 21 that the people of Israel in later times had made an idol out of & worshipped it! Nehushtan good king Hezekiah called it & then summarily destroyed it! I am not sure but I do think I know my heart well enough that if I did know the exact time, I may almost worship it as well, & never really live in the present & look to the future while walking daily with Christ. I still don't do that anywhere near as much as I would like, but I am learning to trust God with the exact time & just rejoice in His salvation through Christ & hopefully tell as many about it as possible.
Before I end this post, may I say that if you do know the exact date & time, then praise the Lord! You have a great gift as well, & there is certainly nothing wrong with that! Every soul is unique & we have our own needs that God is certainly aware of & sensitive to. He knows how to get our attention & what we need. I just wanted to make that clear before I concluded.
OK, this short note turned into a long one, but I just wanted to share that in case anyone else may be going through something similar. If not, then I guess the Lord knew I just needed to get it off my chest! May the Lord bless you all!